Work, a convenient escape.

I have become very busy lately... I wonder whether it is because I am passionate or it is due to not making my mind idle. Like now, when I am home, my mind starts to relax and wonder... when I start to wonder, the same ol' depressing thoughts enter my mind and I become incapacitated to do anything... like now, I am stoning in front of the computer not doing anything.

"It is not good to juggle both studies and relationships at the same time... you'll probably end up with mediocre results on either side... worse still, you might end up with nothing. A relationship is so uncertain. Why would you want to risk the time now for a relationship at the expense of your studies? What if the relationship does not work out, then you'll end up with nothing. At least a degree will be with you for the rest of your life, something which you owe it to yourself and no one can take it away from you."
This piece of advice was told to me by an important person.

I agree and disagree. However, it doesn't really matter now does it? I've already decided and work seems like a terrific avenue to channel my raging emotions. Have I lost faith in humanity? That all humans do things for a motive, for their self-benefit. Myself included. Have I lost faith in myself? Yes I have for obvious reasons that got decent people into this mess in the first place.

My personal grudge against some very important people (not related to the messed up decent people):
I am angry at myself for putting on false smiles and not telling the truth of how much their words hurt me. I have good reason to leave things as they are now with them, for to even touch on the subject will cause an emotional upheaval which I will not tolerate anymore. I have decided to let go of the anger and forgive. However, whenever I see them, I remember the hurtful things they said to me and I cannot bring myself to embrace them with a pure heart. Right now, whenever I speak with them, it would be about goals and focuses, nothing emotional or heart-to-heart. It hurts me to be so superficial towards them but I cannot help it for I am unable to let go. Hopefully I will soon for I don't want work to be an escape from my emotions. I don't want to be a robot for the rest of my life.

Agape.