The past few days at home have been a struggle.
I salute them - they tried to cheer me up even though I think it pains them to see me being down and not knowing why.
Who can I fool at home? I try real hard to put on a smile but it's all in vain.
I'm glad I gave them smiles tonight. I wasn't quite all right yet but I tried my best. I want to be a joy giver! Not some sad-faced moody perpetually PMSing girl.

I need to learn to smile in times of trouble - something which I find so hard to do. I get affected by other people's emotions so easily... too easily in fact. I need to learn to genuinely be all right even when other people's negative emotions are directed toward me. It is then I can smile from within and be strong. Now, I'm just faking the whole thing, pretending to be all right when I'm actually screwed up inside. Don't be a hero when you are unable to Mich. Otherwise your words would be mere empty promises.

I find it hard to go against people. I would rather sacrifice my own identity for the sake of peace and harmony. It's easier for me to deal with my own negative emotions than to deal with other people's negative emotions because: if I sacrificed my own identity for example, only I would be unhappy. If I insisted on my way and go against others, others would be unhappy and that would make me unhappy (refer to the above paragraph), which would hurt even more. However, I need to try even if it hurts. In order not to build walls around myself, I need to learn not to put on a mask, otherwise people will never know me and get close to me.

Thank You for everything. May I continue to hope and believe.