Life in a lull

Recently life has been in a lull.
The calm after a period of stormy weather?
A very queer feeling indeed.

There have been too many "if... then" assumptions in my thoughts and they all lead to expectations and disappointments. For example, "If you had been sincerely eager to go out with Mr X then you would have been more active in planning" or something like that. Perhaps that's why my life has been in a lull... I have been trying not to assume too much when things don't seem to go the way I think they would.

Sometimes I am hurt and bitter when I feel that I am not treated the way that I want to be. However if I keep harping on every single time it happens, I will be swallowed up by my own bitterness. Rather than feeling disappointed, I could try to be more understanding, forgiving and loving. It is not easy because at times the hurt overwhelms me and I fail to see that a small matter is not worth griping over.

I begin to see that I am already so blessed. I am surrounded by so much love in my life. I have a God who loves me infinitely, I have many people who shower me with their love and affection, why do I expect more? Knowing that I am already so blessed, so empowered by the love around me, it is time that I let go and give.