Love?

Studies will be my focus this sem. Love can wait.

My dear friend Jo wrote this and I'll take it as my mantra for the upcoming semester.

I've sort of reached a state of stability. However, the scars of the past just wouldn't give me a break. Sometimes I feel normal and convincingly O.K., like I'm ready to spread my wings and view the world. However, there are times where seemingly insignificant events trigger such horrible emotional responses and I'm reminded of the stark reality of my wounds which have not healed. This makes me wonder when they would heal, if they would ever heal at all. Sometimes I feel like throwing in the towel, to forget forgiveness and love so that I can live in the comfort of the dark. Sometimes I feel like giving up and not caring about anything anymore.

This is an analogy of the current situation I'm in...
I'm groping about in the dark, blindfolded.
I know that the path I'm on has a fork that defines 2 very different paths which will never converge back.
I don't know whether I'm still on the initial part of the path before the fork or I'm already on a path which has already decided my final destination.
I'm afraid of taking off my blindfold for I do not want to know where I am at right now.
As reluctant as I am to continue my journey, I am not moving along by choice, but by the will of time because my journey has a time limit that I can only roughly gauge.

One thing that has improved though is that I can hold my head up a little higher in the eyes of God for I have renounced certain things for His love. I will not let the darkness and despair consume me... I will have hope that things will be all right in the end.

Agape.