Tantrum Throwing
It's 0531h and I haven't slept a wink. A while ago I was screaming and crying in my bed aka undergoing immense anger and frustration. I just shouted and shouted into my pillow, screaming over the loss of 5% of my final grade due to my inadequacies, amongst other things. I had to vent... if not I wasn't able to sleep because of the pent up emotions inside me. Every time I closed my eyes, the thoughts just kept coming back. Oh man, it was just torturous. It's really dumb I tell you, to lose sleep over a measly 5%??? Okay, 66.67/100 translates to 5 wrong MCQs which translates to 5% loss of my total grade for a particular module. Jeki, who had to wake up early to break fast due to the Ramadan period, wanted to come into the room to eat so as to accompany me since she could tell that my face was really black last night. However, as she relayed to me later, she stopped outside my room door, heard me screaming, and went back to the kitchen. *grin* I think she knows me so well... I've been doing this since secondary school... whenever I get frustrated or slip in my tests, I would harshly scold myself, like some crazy person suffering a mental breakdown. Perhaps it's a mini breakdown. However after undergoing that episode, I can eat, talk, laugh and smile. I just have to get it out of my system. I guess I take problems real seriously, no matter how trivial, but after letting it all out to the extreme (like shouting into my pillow in the middle of the night), it dissipates quickly and I calm down. I think I'm a person of extreme emotions - a feeling would be magnified x10 when I feel it. I think I need someone who is not afraid to deal with my extreme negative emotions with patience, love and assurance as I can snap out of it if the person understands why I'm like that and does not give up on me to snap out of it. Man, if every exam period is going to be like this... *sigh* I might wake up the neighbours.
Agape.
posted by Michelle at 5:31 am
7 Comments:
maybe tt's better than how i handle stuff sometimes.
take care ya n it's only a few more weeks to end of sem :)
Was feeling like that too but for different reasons. I was really tired and sick of myself. Went walking in Bugis like a lost sheep, bought lots of stuff which I dun wanna eat, stood in the train with pale face... hoping the train will bring me to another destination. Felt that there are so many things which i must clear up and my whole life is in a big big mess.
I snapped out of it after i did something. (look in my blog for more details!!!)
hey hey. everyone has different ways of handling their frustrations. dont be ashamed abt it ok? it is better to let it all out rather than to keep it inside. if u need a shoulder to cry on, just let me know. sometimes, having a friend to walk by your side is more than anyone can ask for. my hp is always on 24hrs except when the batt is flat. :)
tata and take care.
Hey Mich.
U take care k?
Heya aunt, venting is ok, different ppl handle stress differently... Myself, I become lost in my own world haha, start reading for hours at a time. My sis would jus start screaming at ppl... My best friend would jus eat like 10 meals in one day, then run 18 km the next day... haha.. it's funny the things we do to torture ourselvs sometimes... U've friends who are always ready to lend a listening ear ok
Heyz, dun worry.
Take heart that at least even in ur frustration, u're still able to have the presence of mind to think of venting in a way that tries to minimise the impact on others. hehe.. sometimes we just vent it out on other ppl, not into the pillow or at ourselves. So I guess u're healthier than some of us. O;-)
Take care, this period will pass with God's grace. *hugz* *pat patz*
Thank you everyone for your wonderful comments! *^^*
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