I need to get out of this little pit I have dug myself and fallen into.
I need to let go of all the anger and hurt that have accummulated.
I need to resolve things.
I need to heal.

In order to be able to love.
In order to be able to reach out.
In order to be able to support.
In order to be able to accept.

In order to not be afraid of getting burnt.

Otherwise, I'll go on hurting you.

Sleep

Sleeping is damn shiok leh.

Thank you Lord.

UROPS is driving me nuts. :( If I get rejected... it'll be a blessing in disguise? May I know the answer soon. Thanks to Alexis for the programme. :) Meanwhile... last night, Runti FINALLY joined us for our 1-hour dinner! w00t w00t. It was great. Brother was funny, as usual. He even cooked scrambled egg for dinner for us. Ooh, given my current mods, I will not be able to attend Friday masses anymore. I'm feeling so so so so so much better now. Time to say some prayers and read up stuff. Thank you all for the Christmas wishes, the smses and the E-card. :) Have a blessed Christmas to all.

with love.

Anger wells within me.
Triggers cause the past to flood back into my head.
I need to somehow contain this anger, otherwise the scars that are made will make it harder for things to revert to normalcy.

However, for now I just wanna drop everything and sleep.

Good night.

>:(

Blog Mental Block

There have been so many things happening but whenever I sit down to blog... I am unable to. The emotions that I have felt over the last month have been extreme. The joys and laughter, together with tears and anguish. I am indeed weary.

“Come to Me, all you who labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." - Matt 11:28

Lord, I lift everything up to you.

Agape.

Carolling

The time has come to perform.

This week will be the week! w00t w00t.

Having mixed emotions of stress and anticipation. Stress because time is definitely not on our side. Anticipation because we will get to perform what we have been working so hard for and hopefully it'll bring smiles to people's faces. :) May it be pleasing to You despite our flaws and shortcomings.

For those who have been there when it got too hot to handle and I turned kinda yucky, thank you. For those who have encouraged me along the way, for those who kept an optimistic outlook, for those who gave me hope to press on, thank you.

Singing, without the stress, is a gift from God.

Waiting for time to pass so that I can go to an important appointment. I pray for strength and courage.

Agape.

Date

Funny, I slept for almost 9 hours and I still feel groggy. It doesn't help that the day is so gloomy and cold and rainy... ideal to re-hit the sack!

As Jo was mentioning to me in an sms, I've been MIA-ing for a while. Life has been pretty hectic for me. Just look at my table, there are tonnes of stuff to clear.

Last night I had a date with Dwi and we watched The Holiday. A much needed one for me. My heart takes rest. It had been a lovely evening. A sincere sms, a silly action, a heartfelt prayer, a simple meal, yummy (and not so yummy) ice cream, a wonderful movie, a bittersweet parting and a warm telephone conversation.

"Where have you been all this while?" We have been far away from each other, bogged down by our negative emotions and hurts. Christmas - a time of forgiveness and love. May the healing begin. May the love come forth.

Advent - a time of reconcilliation.

Come Lord Jesus.

Thank You!

In the Lord I'll be ever thankful.

Thank you!

Thanks for the chats!!!!!, the sweet wrapper ring, the songs of taize, the concerns, the encouragemenst, Your soft prompting and peace.

Love mich.

mini retreat

I had a really good sleep... 10 WHOLE HOURS! woot. I woke up at like 12 in the noon can. Praise the Lord! =)

This is a little mini retreat for myself. I'm going to spend a little time with me, myself and er.. God?

Psalm 139

Lord,
You know everything I do;
from far away you understand all my thoughts.

Where could I get away from your presence?
If I flew away beyond the east of lived in the farthest place in the west,
you would be there to lead me. you would be there to help me.

* * *

Steady me, make clear my paths.
Help me reconcile with you.

Loads on my mind

Too much to think
Too much to feel
I can't seem to make sense of anything.

Lord,

I don't know how to follow You or serve You anymore.
What I thought to be right seems to be wrong.


Lord,

Is there any other way I can grow closer to you?


Lord,

I've been asking a few things from you. I have been asking for your advice but you seem to be silent on me. Please, I really need those answers.


Lord,

I want to smile. Please help me smile.
All I want is to follow you. I know not how anymore.


Lord,

I believe you are the answer to every tear I've cried. Let me rest in you!

What do I want this Christmas?

I want peace of mind and joy of heart.

This weekend has been especially draining for me.

Lots of tears and heartaches.

All things went at one go.

God is good.

Agape.

Who am I kidding?

Myself?

Jeki is going home on Sunday.

One thing at a time.