ARGH!

This is a hair-pulling experience!!!!!!!!! It's driving me nuts!
Yes Jo, we will hang on...

Argh... I'm feeling SUPER DUPER grumpy now. *puke* >=(
Sigh... loads on my mind... be cool Mich!!

I'm okay. Breathe in breathe out.

I feel like SCREAMING!!! Is there such a thing as screaming but no one can hear? sigh... I shall mentally scream... AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Patience

Dear Mich,

Remember you need to be patient. Patience will win you your reward. Why are you so hasty? Are you afraid that the good things now will just disappear? You know that if things were meant to be, they will be. The picture in your mind is hazy now... why rush yourself? Patience Mich, things will clear... and I believe you'll know what decision to make when the right time comes. You are much stronger now... you can do this! Trust in Him for He'll never fail you.

Be patient, be tolerant.

Agape.

Staying at Home

I think it takes drastic measures to MAKE me stay at home to recover from a flu that I've been having for 4 days. >.< I thank Him for that! And thank you everyone for your care and love. =)

At least today I can stay at home to:

1. rest
2. wait for Joanne to visit (*^^*)
3. pack my room
4. think about what modules to take
5. write belated Christmas cards (>.<)
6. read my library books
7. reflect
8. SLEEP!

Oh no, I don't think I can do all these today, for I still feel a tad lethargic.
___________________________________________________

I realise I fear.

I fear instability for it is when I am unstable that I cannot control myself, showing my true, ugly self with its desires.

I fear disappointment... perhaps that's why I'm trying so hard not to expect anything from people for if I get disappointed, it would really hurt. It is easier not to expect from friends than from your the other half. Perhaps it is impossible not to have any expectations from your other half... I think that's why that person can hurt you the most.

I fear vulnerability. People can just trample on what you are vulnerable the most, leaving you just totally robbed off of something so important to you.

Am I thinking too much again?

Argh..
________________________________________________________

Okay... feeling better now... yes, I remember, I MUST be a giver and NOT a receiver this coming year.

Lethargy

Feeling pretty lethargic now... *groan* which kinda sucks when I know I've things to do!!! =\ I feel like some formless blob plomped on my chair and staring at the screen for don't know what reason. Hmm... maybe I need to eat. Slept quite a bit today... still having that deep, low, sexy voice. Yes, little mighty army of white blood cells, be brave and fight in the honour of Michelle Lee! The battle is half-won.

Okay, maybe I need to erm.. lie down?

Remembering the sick... who are probably feeling 1000000000 times worse than me.

Agape.

Gathering

It was a great gathering tonight... Thank you for inviting me. :) I can feel the warmth of your family... I wish I could stay longer but I was feeling sick and down with flu. This year I have received so many presents but I didn't give out many as I really didn't have much time at hand to shop... *sigh* Am I a lousy friend?

This flu is driving me nuts! Need to recover soon. X|

Bowling with brother, Kim, Bryan, Sandra, Wilson and Kelly was good. I actually beat my brother in my sickened state!!! *grin* Unbelievable. Must buy 4D. Heh, think he must have given me chance.

Agape.

=)

I've been posting smileys for a while... that's because I'm HAPPY!!!! WEeeee! Christmas was a blast... it was wonderful going for midnight mass together with my cousins and brother... I really missed it so much. Although the homily was difficult to follow, I know He touches people in many ways. *^^* After that was lots of generation X fellowship with some erm.. booze to make merry.

Thank you for your understanding... don't feel so bogged down anymore... :)

Lately I've been rather noisy... I thought I was always erm... shy and introverted? Argh... do I have some split personality or something? >.<

Agape.

Many Thanks with a Grateful Heart

I have so many things to thank for this Christmas... I am truly truly overwhelmed with gratitude on how things have turned out so far. I have grown so much.

This semester has been a focal turning point. Many changes have been made and things are getting back on track. Lessons have been learnt well and many angels have come along, sent by Him to fix me. I'm not sure whether you all know who you are but I thank you all from the bottom of my heart. I am thankful that I was able to hold His hand. I'm glad that I was able to trust more... He takes care of me and things fall into place somehow, although it may not be what I had expected.

Have I been strong? My strength is definitely not my own. I know it is when I am weak that I am strong, for His strength will be manifested... He has sent many angels for support as well. Where I am now... I deeply thank everyone.

Some things are definitely far from over. Inner demons within me still persist. My mind is still kinda muddled and many things are uncertain. I will not be afraid!

May I now, instead of recieving, be a giver this coming year.

Have a blessed Christmas everyone!

Agape.

=)

Dear Elaine, it was great meeting up with you.

Carolling today was enriching and moving for me. I felt quite inadequate for I don't know whether they really want us to carol there... they being the patients. Would they find us irritating? I really hope that they did not feel patronized and pitied. We gave our best today. So I hope that we were worthy instruments of His, in bringing joy and good cheer.

Agape.

Chivarlry

Our junior sent Pat and myself back home in a cab first before going back himself even though my place was more out of the way then his. Chivalry... warms a lady's heart. *grin*

Be strong Mich, be strong. May your mind clear. Life is good. Things will end well somehow.

Agape.

Anti-Social!!!!

I've been rather anti-social lately... I haven't been meeting up with my friends in a while... I mean aside from MM people of course. Lately it has been MM people and family. Holidays have been good so far. I miss my family... this is like payback time from the semester where I hardly get to see them. I'm glad I got to know MM people better too.

Yes Mich, you better do something about meeting up with the rest of your friends you hold dear to your heart!

Retreat has been an opportunity for my mind and heart to just be still. I thank God for the opportunity to work with a wonderful team of 4 friends to plan Taize. Thank God for using us and letting us grow as well. When we give, we receive a lot.

Three more sessions before the end of music activities... 20th, 21st and 22nd.

Okie.. think I'd better go do some stuff.

Hopefully everyone has been doing all right so far. Take care!

Agape.

Liberation

The self-made prison has been broken.

I never knew my grandma was such a funky lady... =) she gave me some good advice regarding relationships this afternoon over lunch.

Agape.

Interesting Conversations

Lately I've been having interesting conversations on long bus rides. =) First it was on bus 67. Tonight it was on bus 81.

May I focus. I know I have unfinished business. May I have the strength to see it through.

Agape.

Prayer Request

Dear All,

Please pray for Andrew Lin from Bizad who is undergoing a spine operation tomorrow.

Thank You.

Agape.

My Week.

Yay... today is a day where I can actually breathe and slack and relax and sit and ponder and reflect and chill out to music and pray and be contented.

I love having a day of rest in the midst of a busy busy schedule. It's a time to recharge. I am tired but not burnt out... just happy and being optimistic, and not losing my focus on why I am so busy. This is so different from the exams. Sigh... I'd better not let history repeat itself for the next exams. Exams don't have to be that stressful Mich. My parents and I have come a long way in our views about the exams. Now I know that they just want me to do my best. My worth is not based on grades. I can bring joy to them in many more ways.

Speaking about my busy schedule, what have I been doing so far for the past week?

4th Dec (Sunday)
A day trip to Malacca with my parents, relatives and Jeki! :) This is the first time in 7 years that Jeki has followed us on an overseas trip so I was really looking forward to it. However, we BOTH had a terrible headache for the whole day for we couldn't de-constipate. Nevertheless, it was great catching up with my parents, aunts, uncles, Jeki, Sann and Kim (cousin from Aust).

5th Dec (Monday)
Caroling practice at Holy Cross started at 0930h but it was delayed till about 1000h. Ended at late 1pm. Went back to school to meet Jac to check out from her dorm, walked around Heeren to wait to meet Jo for her to pass me something... Monday evening was a very memorable day for me... right Jo? ;) Went home at night only to go out again with my brother, Kim and friends. Drank and felt kinda sick after that but it was lovely company.

6th Dec (Tuesday)
Had two meetings - one at 1200h with Iggy Goh and Greg regarding the order of carolling songs for the performance on the 10th. The meeting was pushed back from 1000h to 1200h for I couldn't erm.. wake up. >.< After that went to school to
1. brainstorm with Dwi for some carolling ideas for the Mae Sot trip
2. settle some applications
3. met up with Mark Goh and Pius to discuss Taize for the retreat. Thanks to Mark for helping me hand up the applications to E3A at engine block... =) that place is SO HARD to find can! Got lost the first time I went there.
Met up with my dear EX Comm for dinner at Marches... :) I missed them. Kelvin and Iggy Cheah weren't there though. After dinner met my parents at Orchard Road to see lights. I was dead beat after that!

7th Dec (Wednesday)
Carolling practice from 1000h - 1445h. Super shiong. After that had lunch in school and met up with Mark Goh for Taize. Then went to my uncle's place to celebrate first uncle's ordination anniversary and birthday. Had a GREAT time catching up with my cousins Shaun, Louis and Clement. Watched them play Devil May Cry 2. Cool graphics and quite an interesting storyline. Spoke with Clement most of the time. I also spoke to my little nephew Dylan... he's such a chatterbox! =)

8th Dec (Thursday)
Band practice in the morning at Ivan's place for performance on the 18th. He has such a cool room!!!! =) After that met mom and aunt for some shopping (my mom took leave). In the evening I met my JC friends for dinner. Had a great time catching up with them although I was a little quiet. Thank you VERY MUCH to SM and Jia Hui for allowing me to borrow the pitch pipe. *^^*

9th Dec (Friday)
Taize meeting with Mark, Carol and Pius in the morning at 1000h (in school). After that had carolling practice at holy cross from 1300h - 1600h. Went for Tri-varsity mass and had our first mini-performance during the reception. After that met up with Neph for dinner and had a great time catching up. =)

10th Dec (Saturday)
Had breakfast with Dad at Bedok South (where the famous Mee Rebus is located). Met up with my darling Altos (Alexis and Charkwa) for some sectionals before meeting everyone else at coronation plaza. Greg was there to provide emotional support. *grin* Carolled at Hollandse club with much guidance from Him. Felt really happy and thankful after that. I understand that not everyone has a choral background and hence may have felt frustrated in getting their parts and coming for the long gruelling practices to perform on the 10th. However I'm really touched that they persevered and came. For those who couldn't make it yesterday... your presence during the practices already makes a difference. :) After that, met up with brother, cousins Audrey and Kim, and their friends for another night out. It's nice meeting up with them for I missed my cousins... during school term I am not able to meet up with them much.

11 Dec (Sunday)
REST DAY!

I haven't met up with Elaine yet... neither have I gone K-Box with my girl friends. I haven't started exploring music theory with Jo, I haven't written letters that I need to write, I haven't gone out properly with my JC friends for that night I went home early. I haven't gone christmas shopping with my mom, I haven't brought Jo to Zouk yet.. (hee!) etc. etc. SO MANY THINGS BUT SO LITTLE TIME!! how now??? *^^* This is what I call happy stress.

Agape.

Waiting for my hair to dry

Carolling on saturday night was great! Thank God for everything... *^^* A BIG thank you for those who came down to Hollandse club tonight...
Shareen, Ira, Moli, Carol, Bernie, Charkwa, Alexis, Daniel Yeo, Daniel Tan, Ivan, Greg, Simon, Benny, Albert, Aloy, Michael, Justin and Jan. Argh.. I hope I didn't forget to mention anyone for I'm pretty sleepy now but I need to wait for my hair to dry.

Why am I not asleep yet???? It's because I had an impromptu gathering of my cousins and bro and friends at Swissotel. I'm proud of myself tonight for I promised myself that I would not let myself get sick because of alcohol and such. My brother and I are worlds apart but I love him sososososo much!!! *^^* I know he takes good care of me.

Agape.

Everything - Lifehouse

Find Me Here
Speak To Me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That's leading me
To the place where I find peace again.

You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose...you're everything.

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

You calm the storms, and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall.
You steal my heart, and you take my breath away.
Would you take me in? Take me deeper now?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Cause you're all I want, You're all I need
You're everything, everything
You're all I want, You're all I need
You're everything, everything.
You're all I want, You're all I need.
You're everything, everything
You're all I want, You're all I need, You're everything, everything.

And How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Busy!

Pai seh to those whom I haven't been talking so much to... I've been really busy this week... and will be busy till the next week. Have been busy with caroling and preparations for retreat and such. Feeling quite tired actually but I'm happy and I thank God that I can smile... although I've much to ponder about during the holidays. Going to bed soon.. I'm SO sleepy! To those I've met up with this week, sorry it wasn't so long and stuff... to those that I haven't met up with yet... I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN YOU!

Agape.

Revelation

As I was going back home on the bus, I came to this realization of what I needed to do. I finally understand the misunderstood conversation of a long while ago, when you said that it is about me and never about you. I am truly moved.

Thank you.

I know that I have to search for answers and not be locked up in my own prison. I have the strength now and as afraid as I am... I know it can be done. I will have faith and I will hope that I will be able to see this through.

Agape.

Reflection

I just had a very weird telephone conversation. At least that phone conversation reminded me of the state that I am in. Don't delude yourself Mich. Damn I need to get this out of my system before I embark on work.

I have achieved something this semester. I have become stronger and more independent. I was responsible and I didn't screw people up. It gets tiring at times but I know I have to do this and it is right in the eyes of God. I just hope that I don't falter and succumb to temptation. My mom believes in fate... if two people are meant to be together, they will be... but we shouldn't force fate. How do I know whether we're meant to be? I guess when the time is right to know, you'll just know, and everything will seem so right and fall into place. I do wonder when that time will come when I am so sure of what path to take. May I stick faithful to You. You have shown me through this semester... may I not stray.

Agape.

I'm HUMAN again!

Feeling happy, feeling relieved, feeling like a human being again! *^^* I have almost fully recuperated and am raring to go and start the planning and doing stuff in december... like caroling etc. But first I think I need to sleep. >.<

Went for the eye checkup today with mom, as well as to check out of my room. My mom is so zai... fetched my dad and bro to work, brought me to NUS to pack my room and see doctor, then took cab to pay for the Malacca trip, then came back to NUS to fetch me home, unload my stuff, then went to fetch my dad home. Gosh... she's cool. =)

We had dinner at Charlie's as a WHOLE family. Kor saw a golden ladybird with black spots! I couldn't really see it coz my eyes were recovering from the dilated eye drops which affected near vision applied during the checkup. We saw a cat which had one ear bitten off. Cats' eyes at night are sooooo... pretty! Such innocence and soulfulness (if there's such a word). I had my usual pine of Boddington hahah. One pine is enough to make my head become buoyant. *grin* It's just nice to unwind like that once in a while.

Felt quite sad that I couldn't undergo the LASIK procedure... my degree is too high and my cornea too thin... so the most I can reduce is 700 off each eye... which does not make much of a difference. The other option is the implantation of an intraocular lens in both my eyes, then correct the residual power with PRK. The risk of infection is higher but I guess I have to look it up before I make an informed decision. It's no big deal lah... I mean, I can still SEE!

Okay, better try to sleep so that I can wake up early to look at stuff I need to do before I erm.. go out? *grin*

Agape.

World Aids Day

Let us remember that the world has a greater epidemic than the avian influenza that only we humans can combat with selflessness and love. Let us unite, pray and love... so that the virus will stop taking 8000 lives away every day.

Agape.