Chinese New Year

Gosh... what a ball of TWO days it has been for Chinese New Year. I thoroughly enjoyed myself although I was really a nervous wreck. Some things just flow naturally and come out better than expected. Thank God. I am so grateful and happy. It's more than I can ask for. This must all be a dream. Am I dreaming???? Oh Lord, thank You. It's too good to be true.

It has been a long night of "initiation", of course which means drinks and games... >.< I am so so so so so so tired but I can't sleep. Got to start on my lab report now. Hopefully I can get some shuteye later.

As someone mentioned, "there'll always be problems". I just hope that I will not be selfish in dealing with those problems. Please let me deal with them in love.

Agape.

Life has been quite all right. =)
Been rather contented with things lately.

A smile on my face and hope in my heart.

Feeling pretty calm and collected. Hah. One of the few times I'm actually staying in on a friday night. Hopefully I can get some work done before CNY.

Come Lord Jesus.

I have sinned but I know You still love me.

May I be an instrument.

Thank You for everything.

Agape.

Sleepy

Today has been a tiring day... mentally, physically and emotionally, but thankfully I can still smile at the end of the day. =)

May I have the strength to last till wednesday. To everyone else, hope things have been good for you.

I had a heart-to-heart talk with someone on Sunday evening. It's amazing how one can be so strong and faithful.

My eyes really cannot open... but must finish my work... argh. Maybe.. I'll take a little nap... *grin*

Agape.

Negligence

I feel that I've been neglecting people. Damn I need a mental organiser. Help help! I need help in organising my thoughts, my papers, my room, my priorities, my work, my schedules, my friends. Yes my friends. I haven't been caring enough. M1ch! You got to DO something about this! Help help help! I need energy...

Have I been selfish? Ugh I hate this when my head plays mind games with me.

Dear Lord, let not my doubts nor my darkness speak to me.

Agape.

ACHAR!

Had some quality time at home today. Spent the bulk of the day helping out in the kitchen making achar. Man, it's really hard work. Cutting up the cumcumbers, carrots, cauliflowers and cabbage, peeling the onions and garlic, slicing the garlic, removing the seeds from the green chillies, taking them out to sun, changing the kitchen towels so that they can dry faster, flipping the vegetables around during sunning... Man! :) I had a good time with Jeki and Dad.

I have guests from australia in the house... a lovely couple with two beautiful daughters for 2 weeks! The lady is my mom's sister. Time to catch up. Hopefully I can open up and not be shy.

The bio ethics talk that I attended on thursaday (19th Jan) was on prenatal diagnosis. What struck me most from the bio-ethics talk is the concept of moral relativity. If I were to say that morals are relative, you may not believe me for the statement I had just made is relative. Hence, how can such a thing hold? Another thing which hit me is the concept of life. Are we as scientists going to promote a culture of Life or a culture of Death? How do you quantify a human life in an embryo? When does life start? Doesn't the point of human existence begin at fertilisation? Not because there is concrete proof that a zygote on day 1 of fertilisation shows signs of "humanness"... it is because who has the right to say when the embryo is actually a human being? When it develops a nervous system? When you can see its eyes? It is totally ambiguous. There is no concrete basis on which to state when an embryo moves from a 'pre-human' to a human being. Although a blastocyst may not seem human, all human beings on this earth started their beginnings from a bunch of actively dividing cells. If one respects humanity and the culture of Life, the zygote should be given its due respect as we know that the zygote will develop into a human being one day. Society today is aiming for perfection. However, are we aiming for perfection at the expense of everything else? We eliminate imperfect, but potential babies. Are we repeating the holocaust in a legal manner? I guess knowledge has the power to change things... may I as a student, strive hard to excel, so that my knowledge can be used to promote a culture of Life.

Okay, I'd better do some work now... tons of stuff to do!! >.<

Agape.

Bio ethics talk was fantastic. Made me think a lot... =)



A little gift made my whole day.

Agape.

I've never been excellent in planning birthday surprises. At least I tried.

Looking forward to the bioethics talk today.. I've always wanted to hear about it since I will be going into this field when I grow up.. hahah. Wait.. I know I've already grown up but you know what I mean.

I prayed hard yesterday during CG. May I continue to pray hard and hope.

Agape.

The stabbing pain has been reduced to a chronic dull ache.

Thank you for helping me have a good night's rest.

Will I every be able to redress the folly on feb 12 2005? If things were made clear then, people wouldn't have been hurt so badly. It would either have been a yes or no.

What's done cannot be undone. This path is so so cold. I hang on to the faint glimmer of hope that God heals.

However, how can I expect God to clean up the mess I've made?

I dwell in hurt and guilt. Perhaps this is the penance I have to do to make up for it.

At least I can try to be more functional today.

FCG

FCG was lovely. *^^* Thank you to those who organized this wonderful session. Spoke to someone tonight who made me feel so much better! Thank you for setting me free from part of the guilt that I am in. I miss Science.

I think I shall not put up that ugly post which I had saved as draft. It will remain as a draft in my blog for I feel that I can pull through with His help! Yes I believe in You and Your healing grace! There can be an end to this. I pray for guidance, healing and strength.

Agape.

Escapism

I think I'm a little queer... I can still freak out when I see that person from afar. AFAR! The person didn't even see me! Think there's something wrong with me. Why do I like lose appetite and get all crapped up still? Why do I still panic? I think I need to pray more. I spoke to someone and she said that perhaps it's pride. Am I proud? Maybe. Maybe I'm just chicken. I need to be brave. I need to be stronger. I need to give this year remember? I will try my best not to be afraid. God be with me.

Agape.

One Way Ticket to Ride

I've got a one way ticket to ride.
A ride into this place which I am unable to fathom right now.
The uncertainty of the future - I now anticipate more than I fear.

Take my hand and walk the journey with me.

Agape.

There is a whirlwind in my head.

Please let me stand firm on the ground.

I fear, I hurt, I anticipate.

Okay, pass the interview, look forward to dinner w mom and family.

Focus mich. You can do this.

Stare FEAR Straight in the Eye

Stare fear straight in the eye Mich!
ARGH!
____________________________________

I met a gentleman yesterday evening.
Thank you.

Agape.

Guilty and Grumpy

Am in medical library now.

Feeling rather guilty for not reporting an unattended bag on the overhead bridge whilst walking towards the 95 bus stop from the mrt station earlier. I really hope some vigilant soul (since there were so many people walking to and fro) would have reported it. Why didn't I do it? I was rushing for time for I was erm.. late? And, I have this amount of inertia to do things like this when it requires me to speak and make quick decisions. =\ I guess I would have to learn.

Anyhows, reached the professor's office 5 minutes late but managed to get it signed. Jo will handle part 2 later. *grin*

Think I have to do something about being grumpy. When I don't have enough sleep I become grouchy and irritable, as if the world is responsible for how I'm feeling. I truly admire those who are so tired but yet can smile and still try to do their jobs to the best of their ability. Think I should pray more.

Okies, maybe hmm, I'll go take a short nap? >.<

Take care all.

Agape.

Decisions

Some decisions are tough, because they will leave irreversible consequences. I fear to regret but I know I have to take a leap of faith somehow, in either way, for I can't fortell the future. Please remove my fear so that I may be free.

Had two meaningful conversations today. :] May He grant all of us the grace to push through.

Agape.

So Many Things to Settle!!!

There are so many things to settle...

SEP/DSTA applications... hopefully I can know whether I'll get it by Jan so that I can like throw them out of my mind if I don't get it and just focus on staying in Singapore. Things look kind of grim and I'm beginning to lose heart putting in all the effort. It's like I don't mind getting it and at the same time I don't mind not getting it. If I get it, I get to work in DSTA. If I don't get it, I get to spend more time with the people I really love here. Just a few days more... I'll just try.

Modules!!! Oh no... I don't know whether I should minor in stats... maybe I should just try... =
ETCETC.

Some people around me are feeling sad or having troubles or mourning or feeling ill. Please pray for them.

Agape.