Thank you for the heartfelt conversation and letting me meet a very special someone. :) May all of us last...

Far Away - Nickelback

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there’s just one left
‘Cause you know,
you know, you know

That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you’ll be with me
and you’ll never go
Stop breathing if
I don’t see you anymore

On my knees, I’ll ask
Last chance for one last dance
‘Cause with you, I’d withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I’d give it all
I’d give for us
Give anything but I won’t give up
‘Cause you know,
you know, you know

That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you’ll be with me
and you’ll never go
Stop breathing if
I don’t see you anymore

So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know

I wanted
I wanted you to stay
‘Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
‘Cause I’m not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and
never let me go
___________________________________

Fell asleep during the soccer match between Australia and Italy. Don't know what overcame me man. Slowly sobered up after a phone call. With my contacts festering in my eyes, I am in a reflective mood once again, for the past nights in recent times.

The 5 long days... are finally over.

Bittersweet tears
Kneeling in thanksgiving
The treasure in Pandora's box
Keeps the flame burning

Strength to renew
Mind to remember
What truly matters.

Colours

The colours slowly creep in.
Redness returns to her cheek
Her face lights up,
With a gold sparkle twinkling in her eyes
A smile of white slowly emerges.

The heart, warmed, starts to feel.
The colours slowly diffuse
Painting over shades of grey.
The breath of life, love,
Gives rise to hope from within.

I will use whatever strength I have to smile and be happy today. I'm old enough, I shouldn't let my internal hot and cold sentiments affect me and those around me. Wipe that look off your face now Mich!

I will not dampen your day/night.

Time for breakfast.

I know of a Mr Brave.
He lives in a place with lots of greenery and lakes.

I've mosquito bites on my feet! Veryveryveryveryveryvery itchy. A little painful as well. Went out to chill with the science peeps in honour of Mr B tonight. Thank you.

Sleep will overpower this restless mind of mine tonight for I'm actually quite physically exhausted from the whole day of not being able to nap even though I tried to. Think will knock out during soccer later with my pops. BUT we have some supper from dinner leftovers... yumyum.

Now to wash up and put some ointment on those bites... and change into PJs.

May Korea WIN!

I...

Argh, a cup of coffee at night with a thinking mind is the recipe for insomnia. >=(

I want to become a doctor because I would be able to possess the inate skills to aid others. I would be able to alleviate physical pain. I envy those doctors who are able to go to countries to offer their services with the red cross. I guess I may not have the guts to do so since I'm like so scared of insects and such. I like to know those weird names for illnesses and play detective in diagnosing a disease. I think I would like to be able to talk to my patients, or even visit hospices. However, I wasn't meant to get into Singapore med school. Perhaps I wasn't good enough. Sometimes some my relatives would call me doctor... I used to be quite sore about it, but I guess I have begun to smile and just be glad that I have them around.

I love science. I am intrigued by how the body works. I would like to learn anatomy... I love biochemistry because the pathways are so fascinating and it's a challenge to link all the reactions in a logical fashion. Chemistry has a little maths in it. I used to like maths, BUT NOT ANYMORE. I still like to solve logic puzzles.

If I can't be a doctor, I would like to work in a hospital as a researcher. Maybe at the cancer centre or the heart centre at Outram. There's even a department in NUS, I think in collaboration with NUH, working on tissue regeneration. WOW! Imagine if a new heart could be regenerated. To be a good researcher, there is no short cut... one must study hard and long. It's really a bookish kinda path. But I'm afraid that I may be hyping things up too much... sometimes I dread practicals... I wonder if I would find the job boring. Heh... who knows I might end up doing something entirely different...

Another love of mine is music. It lifts my heart. I wish I were a little more creative - then I can actually compose my own stuff! I miss being in a choir. I miss singing all those old latin pieces where the harmony mixed with feeling of the voices transports you to another realm - a prayer of thanksgiving, praise, petition, wonder and awe. I like other sorts of more contemporary music as well... I like alternative music because it expresses emotions with much intensity. Classic rock, well rocks too! I like songs with meaningful lyrics. When I am in the mood, I like happy songs as they make me smile. An chill night out would be just relaxing with a few friends and hearing a band play. I am interested in exploring other sorts of music... traditional, jazz? Just for appreciation sake.

I love nature as well. I love to take long walks to appreciate the surroundings. Watching a bird walk makes me laugh as the faster it walks, the faster its head nods. Witnessing the beauty of nature makes me happy. It's simply breathtaking. It makes you want to jump for joy and believe in a higher being. If I weren't in life sciences, I would want to be in environmental engineering, specifically studying bioremediation (using biological agents to remove pollution), or recycling waste into useful products. I would really love that. I wish that people would pay more attention to recycling paper or saving electricity.

I love history. I love to see architecture that have been preserved since the olden times. I love to appreciate the culture of other people. Appreciating culture is appreciating the beauty of humankind. I love poetry, art and craft too, although I can't draw to save my life. Perhaps jigsaw puzzles are fusion between art and logic. That's why I like to do them.

Okay, it's almost 6am in the morning. Hope I can get some shut-eye now.

What do you do when you watch someone you really care about sink? Your very being, who you are, adds more weight to the person, drowning and crushing the person. What do you do when you feel that your presence hurts more than helps the person?

What would you do?

I am not proud, I am not pompous, I do not push my weight around, I do not belittle... and yet I seem that way. I stand against all these and yet I seem this way.

I am an advocate of forgiveness, of seeing the person by who the person really is and not by how successful the person is, of seeing potential in everyone, of believing that everyone has something good in them... and yet I seem otherwise.

What have I done?

What makes a person?

"And the captain speaks... 'more blue skies coming your way... ending of turbulence.'"

Feeling better now... perhaps the village of pimples on my forehead will slowly start to disappear as well.

Time to pray, smile and love...

Agape.

It is Finished.

It is over.
I am deeply touched, wholly overwhelmed. My heart swells with gratitude.

Thank you Lord for answering my prayers, that we have been made useful, that we have been able to be Your instruments of love!

Look at the smiles, hear the roars of laughter and praise! They were music to my ears that night.

Thank you all.

Energy completely spent, I take my rest to recuperate.

Feeling kinda low tonight. =(
Blew up at myself this evening.
Perhaps I am being too sensitive for my own good here.

The thought of the week ahead scares me.
Will I be strong enough?

Please grant me strength.

Soccer madness!

Been really busy... woo, one more week to go.

2 days of soccer madness.
Hope it was worth the effort. :)

Friday night was just mad... but it's all good. =)
1.5 hours of sleep watching soccer, doing work and seeing this hot chick *@#$@%@#%$ Arendia kill baddies in some beautiful fantasy world... and after that, an early day the next day for mm prac... was totally flat out when I got back.

England vs Paraguay... sigh... hopefully things will get better. Grrrrrrrrr.
If England continues to play like this... how how how??? =(

Can't wait to see the asian teams play though.

Soccer anyone?

Lately I've heard good news from my friends:
1. Elaine!! w00t :)
2. Joanne!! hope that bugger calls you back and settles it soon.
3. Jac!! < 20 more days... =)
Miss you guys... hope to meet up with you all soon... WZ too!

Agape.

I'm glad that things are seemingly looking up for you.
I have been praying real hard, real hard.
It's all I can do for you.

DVC anyone?

A phone conversation on this fine morning:

Jo: Would you kill me if we watched another movie instead of the DVC? Goes on to talk about some Korean movie, I think... >.<
Me: No lah... it's all right with me... I'm okay with anything, I'm not like dying to watch it...
Jo: Okay! I also read so-and-so's blog and you know...
Me: lol...

I'm not sure what made her change her mind to watch another movie instead... however I'm blessed to have such wonderful friends who respect me and my beliefs.

Personally, I don't mind watching the movie with friends, since the author himself had openly claimed that his book is fiction. Period. There's nothing much to argue about. Of course I would quietly state my personal opinion on something so dear to me so that they would at least know where I stand. It's up to them whether they want to take my word for it or not. And if there were any questions, I would be glad to do some research during the holidays and present them to those who were interested to find out more about my faith. As a person who has read the book, I agree that the book has a good plot - lots of action and very entertaining. What saddens me most though is the bad light that the book has casted upon Opus Dei. I confess that I thought they were scary fanatics, till I saw some of them in person. I just hope that people would not debunk my religion based on that movie which takes snippets of fact and weaves it with fiction, so much so that you don't know what is real and what is not. That is what makes the book so tempting to believe. I guess good things do come out of that book and movie, with so many documentaries and awareness created about my religion, Christianity, Catholicism in particular.

I remember in JC, when the book first came out, some of my friends were talking about it and when I came in to join the conversation, they kept the topic from me completely, fearing that they would offend me with their sceptic views on my religion. However, by not speaking to me I felt offended - it was as if I was deemed not mature enough to speak about it. Maybe I really wasn't ready to talk about this sort of thing then as in JC my faith was very shaky.

(8.05pm) AFter clarifying with some person, the above italicized paragraph's information is wrong... the book wasn't the DVC... =X It was something more substantial... I'm not offended now and neither do I mean to offend anyone, there are no hard feelings on my part... after some reflection, I guess that they had my best interests at heart... if I were deemed as unapproachable then, I guess it was my fault for being unfriendly. AND, today Jo and I watched She's the Man, NOT some korean flick. Argh... I apologize for all the wrong information!

Ooh, it felt good airing my views. Blogging rocks!

Agape.

I thought I was not going to stop.

Thank God I did.

When you receive a blow which knocks you over and out and you feel that you just want to lie face down on the ground and not get up, the other somehow harnesses his strength and pulls you out, despite his condition. That is enough inspiration to pick yourself up and continue to hope.

Please grant me strength and understanding.

Damn I need to eat! Boo!!! I'm going to get fat lah. Oh no, Jo's going to kill me if I can't get up to meet her. =( Thanks for dropping by - you cheered me up! AND your eye makeup is so so so so pretty.

Dear Lord,

cradle me in Your arms.
take it away...
take it away so that I can smile.
I find it very hard to smile.

You know my heart.
You know my actions.
You know who I really am.
Please guide me!

Rested!

2 days of rest for the mind and heart.
A jammed-packed day yesterday.
My support of smiles!
Feeling much better now...

Thank you.

Agape.

Mental Battles

Battle of the mind between
good and evil
positivity and negativity
trust and doubt
anger and forgiveness
hurt and understanding
hatred and love.

Grant me strength to see sunshine instead of shadows.

__________________________________________

*grumbles* Sleepy! =(
I'm not a fan of early mornings...
All I want to do is to crawl back into bed and zzz. >.<
Thank you for a wonderful day yesterday.

Agape.

Searching for Meaning

I am currently seated at a place where many memories flood me. The time and effort that I put into, to grow and also hopefully to help others grow...
Have I grown? Yes I have, and I thank you all for playing a part in this.

However, if I am doing something good, then why is it breaking some people down? Do the things I do, not seem to hold any meaning to others? I bear the sweat, toil, tears and heartache because I hope that people will find meaning in it and grow from the experience, that I may be an instrument. If I fail to be an instrument of love, what am I doing here? If I don't benefit others, what am I doing here?

I don't wish to taint its good name. I will not forget how much good it has done for me. It's me. I am so sorry.

No no... this feeling must pass.

Grant me strength, shine through me so that others may be filled as well!

A brand new day
My eyes are heavy
I am sleepy
I am lazy
and my stomache's gasey.
*bleagh*

Dear Lord...
an unsaid prayer
unspoken thoughts
He knows it all.