Sniffling.

Oh man I keep sneezing the WHOLE DAY!
Either someone is thinking about me or saying really bad things about me.
I've a new pet cat. It's a fake white stuffed toy cat. I called it mimi. It's just so so so cute lah. So white and cute.

I can't get a real cat so a fake one will have to make do.

However, as a result of the continued sneezing, I simply cannot sit at my desk for more than 1/2h. Bleagh. 2nd May faster come!!

I realise with horror that I'm quite a spoilt kid. *gasps* Oh well... -_-... but does spoilt = undomesticated? If it's not equivalent, then... I'm not spoilt! :D
Anyhows, it was a rather funny conversation yesterday at dinner where Kor and I were so enthusiastic on how to fry chicken wings. Put what to marinate? What ready-made batter to buy? Leave for how long?? hahahah.

Okay, time to finish up that tutorial, bathe, eat and head back to school.

Agape.

Condoms and AIDS

Wow, so many people are talking about AIDS and condoms - I mean the thorny issue about using condoms to limit the spread of AIDS.

I wish I had a stand or something intellectual to say... but I don't. Perhaps it's in my nature to be silent or rather, sympathise with both sides. I mean, the reason why it's such a thorny issue in the first place is because both sides have their own valid, solid points right? All I can do is be thankful that I am not in a position where I have to come to such a difficult decision and to pray really hard for those who are in that unfavourable position. This reminds me of the parable of the two sons, one refusing the father at first but doing the job in the end, and the other agreeing to help but not doing anything in the end. As much as we reason and argue, we are just mere shadows... the true heros will be those in the front line, making that choice. And if they make the harder choice which is the choice of love, for example a HIV-infected man refusing to have sex with his wife, I truly salute them - they will receive their reward.

As I read through the comments that some of my friends put across... I realise one thing - I don't know anything! Okay, I don't know much.. which makes me want to read up more and have my own stand. It's a personal stand of course, not meant to be imposing or anything. 2nd May quickly come soon... =(

Agape.

Tired out.

I am so tired.

So much effort has been made, so much energy has been put in - I need to rest. However, it will be worth the effort. :) I guess growing, learning to love, changing for the better takes lots of strength from me. Who says walking through the fire is easy? If it takes this much to refine myself, so be it. Mould me and shape me to be a beacon of love. Replace my selfishness with selflessness, my insecurity with trust, my doubt with faith, my weakness with strength, my despair with hope, my anger with patience, my darkness with light and my fear with love.

One more paper to go. ST2131 here I come!! Man, think this is the LAST time I'm taking a maths module and this time round, I'm going to have a good rest before the paper the next day.

Home tonight. Ate lots of yummy food. *^^*

Have you not known?
Have you not heard?
The everlasting God, the Lord,
The Creator of the ends of the earth,
Neither faints nor is weary.
There is no searching of His understanding.
He gives power to the weak,
And to those who have no might He increases strength.
Even the youths shall faint and be weary,
And the young men shall utterly fall,
But those who wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.
- Isa 40:28-31

Agape.

I need to air my brain. It's so hard to concentrate.
Today's homily is about faith versus fear.
I have a lot of fears, fears that cripple me.
Mich, where is your faith?

Lord, please grant me the strength to have faith.

Meeting my parents tonight brought a smile to my face.

Agape.

Jeki, the bearer of good news.
You understand me so well - it's frightening.
Thank you for calling me today - I miss you too.
I really need a hug from you.
Could you just appear now?
Kak, saya cinta kamu.
Perhaps I should learn how to cook a dish for her before she goes back.

It's hard to focus. It's really so difficult.
It pains me to be away but if I must, grant me the strength O Lord.

I witnessed an orange sky today just before it rained in the evening... Walking towards the raging inferno.



Dear friends, I hope you all are doing fine.

The holidays are near at hand Jo. I have faith in you Jo.

Agape.

Had a little surprise tonight. The view was lovely, with a whisper I haven't heard for what seemed like ages.

Bittersweet emotions.
Why do I think the way I think?
I don't understand... I really don't.
I don't even know what I am thinking or why I'm thinking like that.
Get me a mind analyzer.
What am I?
Who will understand me? How difficult it is to tackle such a complicated mind, with such inate fear.
The past and the present me do not reconcile.
Please do not let the past me screw up everything there is now. One screwed up person is bad enough. Will I make it two?

Feeling helpless.

Thank you for tonight despite yourself.
Thank you for your love despite yourself.

Agape.

Late night studying

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I shall do some therapeutic blogging.

Exam preparations have been queer.

I really admire a close friend of mine who is going through so so so much. I salute her for the love and sacrifice that she gives. I wish I could do more to be here for you during this tough period. You go girl.

Be calm my palpitating heart. Be still my raging mind.

I need some quietude in prayer. The world is moving too fast for me!

Agape.

WAH!!!!

Need to eat some fruits or drink some deconstipating formula... >.<
Finally done with my miniproject. *puke*

Good ol' classic rock... ROCKS! woohoo.

Happy mugging everyone!

Oh man, I so need to clean my room.

It's time for a caffeine boost today...

Agape.

Insomnia

I was supposed to wake up at 10am today having slept at 3am. However I woke up at 7.20am and I couldn't get back to sleep... argh. I have trouble sleeping in school. The rest of the day became such a drag because I was so tired. I really can't understand my brain sometimes and what is troubling it such that I cannot get to sleep when things seem all right.

Hoping those who are feeling troubled will feel better soon.

Exams are near at hand... FOCUS MICH. PLEASE FOCUS.

Agape.

I will be strong as this day passes me by.
I pray and hope that you will be all right.

Mama's Birthday

Today is just so wonderful.
Am I one lucky girl?
I'm such a scatterbrain, a fool, someone who needs to be taken care of, for I do really silly things sometimes. But these apparent flaws are okay... and I am thankful that I can be my silly self. =)

Simple things can be blown up out of proportion... so much so that those mundane things become so colourful. Gosh... I had a good laugh today... telling my brother to go to the wrong place for the shop we wanted to go to had already closed down, not really cooking but being falsely accused of cooking some "touch-love" soup as Jeki terms it. How can you survive with so little sleep? If I had known... I feel like such a bully but I'm so glad for today. I wish my grandma well. I'm glad to hear that she's happy tonight although I didn't really get to talk to her much.

Feel rejunvenated. Time to bathe and do work.

Agape.

The Serenity Prayer

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

- Reinhold Niebuhr US Protestant theologian (1892 - 1971)

I have heard this prayer before... however yesterday someone shared this prayer with me at this point in time where my mind is filled with so many things and it did touch me deep inside.

I did not join CSS last night for church visiting - instead I chose to ask my dad if he wanted to go visiting and where he wanted to go. Mom couldn't make it as she had afternoon shift and brother had other plans. Oh we had a special guest too so it was the three of us. Adoring the Eucharist was very heartfelt. Many thoughts came into my mind - my own troubles, troubles of others, thanksgiving, yearning just to be in His presence, yearning to be a better person. I was glad to be able to share this moment with them. We visited 3 churches - Holy Trinity, St. Anne's and the Nativity. At the final stop - the Nativity, we met my aunt and uncle there. They showed us around, with the three adults reminiscising about their childhood church, how they used to serve there and stuff like that. I even saw the pre-Vatican 2 altar! It's so rich in history. There are even tombs of deceased priests in the church itself. The different designs which marked the original church from the expansion, the spiral staircase up to the steeple, the funeral bell... it's simply breathtaking. The church is filled with so many treasures... so many worshippers have come and gone, so many memories locked within the church - only to be unlocked by those who had the privilege of having walked through the past. I am inspired.

By the end of the night, my head was about to burst - a splitting migraine - a culmination of not enough sleep and things that were bothering me. Off I jumped into bed, in the comfort of my home for a well-deserved rest.

Agape.

Scatterbrain

I just lost something very dear to me.
Why am I not panicking?

Thanks for accompanying me and trying to cheer me up... :)

One day I'm going to lose my head. Why am I such a scatterbrain? Being absentminded is in my blood. I know it can get very frustrating for people at times but I can't help it really. I feel really frustrated with myself as well.

Come quick so that I can leave this place.

Am I selfish?
I don't know.
I try not to be.
I feel that I'm too inward-looking.
Teach me to love.

Please let me try to stay close to You.

Deal with it!

Shit. The damn stress is making me go nuts.
I don't understand my feelings sometimes.
They are just so RETARDED! ARgh.

Why can't I verbalise my thoughts and feelings?
Why do I have to keep beating round the bush?
UGh, can't stand myself sometimes.

Stress makes me a very ugly person.
This semester I'll try to cope with it.
Please let me be mature and control my own stress.

It's SO not nice to miss a person, worrying about not being caring enough for others and being stressed thinking about work at the same time. I'm overbearing on self-blame. Oh man this is so unhealthy I don't even know what I am ranting about. And this is so stupid! Like I'm creating my own problems can. ARGH!!!! Stop this madness already... stopstopstopstop.

I'm SO retarded tonight. I can't help but laugh at myself.

Oh bring it on. Time to shove fats up my brain.

Agape.

Supper and random musings

This is what I had for supper 2 nights ago...
Chocolate milk with 2 packets of honey stars for supper:



Not to mention half an apple. >.< Ugh... stomach felt weird yesterday. Man, need to invest in a CAN OPENER... to increase the range of potential food to eat.

Crazy things that people do will be embedded in memories. =)

Was pleasantly wished first today at 1 am. *^^*

Yesterday, or this morning rather, I was on a coffee high - at late 2am my brain was still absorbing... sick sick sick! Jac, Clarabelle and Monika were mugging till like 1 plus before they left YIH? Exams are looming... will focus and do my best. I really hope I can do my best without going crazily stressed and depressed and such. Please help me focus! Discipline Mich... discipline.

Anyways, to all who are mugging... keep your strength up!

Agape.

Last MM Session

The last MM session was yesterday. I do enjoy MM sessions very much... it's very heartfelt... although someitmes I get a little burnt out... *grin* All in all, I'll miss it... hopefully this little community will grow and forge genuine friendships. Hah, then I have to make the effort to open up.

Reconciliation - need to gear myself up to make a good confession. Takut.

Prayer - I've been keeping you in my prayers... I really pray and hope with all my heart that you are all right, that you will be good, that the present and future will be even brighter.

Prayer - It's been a while since I shared a moment with you in prayer. It was wonderful, although my brain was like wood. :) It has also been a while since I had a free conversation... just half an hour of conversation which I can be myself comfortably. Plagued with too much work... hopefully the hols will open up more time.

Had a relatively better sleep last night.. I couldn't separate my consciousness with my dreams... events were flashed in my mind (was I awake or sleeping??), then a blank. The next thing I knew was 9am with the sun shining in and the room was DAMN HOT! But I woke up with a headache... or migraine rather. Darn... have to work on my stuff.... *looks at all my deadlines* *gulp!*

Agape.

A Happy Post

I think I finally can put up a happy post. =)

Trust, trust trust. Why is it so difficult for me to do so? I will try.
Forgiveness, endurance, understanding, patience, love, commitment. These words are powerful, with the ability to move mountains and warm cold hearts.

Spoke to shirley when were walking back to our dorms. Speaking to her on our walk back brightened up my day. Yes, I think I'm SLOWLY opening up... wee!
Met up with Elaine for lunch... =) I'm really thankful that I can meet up with her more often nowadays. *^^* It's great really.

Oh yes! I bumped into my brother's friend, my childhood friend's elder brother who is my brother's age at mass yesterday evening. What a lovely surprise that we could actually talk and catch up for normally I would be erm.. too shy to talk? Hahahah. It's nice to meet old friends and make the effort to keep those friendships.

Agape.

(2100h) Neph: Where are you? I thought you're meeting me tonight?
Me: huh??
Neph: Happy april fools. Have a nice day!
Me: #$*@(#@!#@!$@#%@%#$#$#$

Apparently I was tricked by the SAME thing last year. For that few seconds I was kinda almost panicking... I pang seh people?? ack...

But that brought a smile to my face. :)

Now I'm the sun and my lab partner is the moon. Retarded things we do to cheer ourselves up to motivate each other along the way...

I have always prided myself in being tactful and thoughtful in the way I speak to others. However, recently, I have failed, terribly, letting my emotions take over me. I expect people to put others before themselves and what have I been doing? Why do I keep lousy entries of things? I should just delete all of them. Perhaps that will be something I ought to lift up for this lent. Mich, don't blame people for your own weakness! They will not be your scapegoats, you understand? To all the people who have been hurt by me in this way, I am truly sorry.

Through this revelation, I will free myself from whatever angst I have. Slowly but surely. Thank you all for your love.

I love my family. It's good to be home. =)

OOH... I haven't watched like MANY MANY episodes of Naruto!!!! WEeeeee. Can't wait for the holidays. Damn, but before the hols there's like so many deadlines!!! Argh.. better seize whatever I have left of this day to actually write something for my miniproject. >.< Bleah!

Agape.