Headaches and Migraines

Panadol rocks.
Feeling much much better now... Had a dense head the whole of yesterday which morphed into a splitting headache... Thanks to the devoted medical team at home... namely my mom, for massaging my head, it has gone away this morning! I can't believe I slept at 10+ last night. Thank God for the beautiful morning. :)

Off to driving lesson soon... *groans*

Agape.

Cramps! The Bane of a Woman

Urgh.. feeling so uncomfortable.
Having cramps is zapping energy away from me! Nooooo... I can't let my hard-earned energy from sleeping enough last night go to waste to... cramps! Argh.
I need... to.. conserve... energy... to.. be able... to get out of the house.. later to watch... Batman Begins... help!

*sigh*

All I want to do now is roll around in bed and be a pig. >.<

Agape.

Making the best out of a seemingly unlucky situation

Yesterday I had a sporting day.
Mom, Uncle Pheng, Kor and myself went to CARC to play badminton... but the courts were fully booked so we settled for table tennis instead.

Gosh... I tell you, the difference between my brother and I is that he can conjure up FUN from a seemingly hopeless situation, unlike myself, who only sees the doomed side of things. In this case, our plans had been ruined - the badminton courts were occupied. However, I had a ball of a time playing table tennis, and shooting darts. It was only much later that we were able to illegally occupy somebody's court to play badminton. Even when shooting darts... One of the feathers were spoilt and we only had 2 working darts... nevertheless we improvised and played "who could hit the bullseye first" with 2 darts a throw instead of the usual 3.

I guess it's not the situation that determines the success of a certain outcome but how you are able to look at the situation and determine a success for yourself and everyone else.

I've much to learn.

Agape.

Crunch Time during PMS?

This is terribly annoying. Crunch time during the period of a lady's life where she's at her lowest psychologically? Ugh..

I am stronger than what I think so I'll get through this during my PMS period.
I guess I have some soul-searching to do. I don't really want to feel like the

lowest scum of the earth

again but somehow my actions over the past two weeks or so seem to justify that name. The last thing I want to do is to hurt anyone but it turns out that hurt is inevitable, regardless of the choices you make.

Hopefully one day all things of this nature will come to pass... hopefully one day things will fall into place,

for once.

Agape.

Different Shades of Grey

Black, white and grey... are they really so different from one another? Actually, come to think of it, aren't black and white a shade of grey? Just like a square is a special rectangle. Black, white and grey... if one switches between black and white fast enough, the visible result will be grey as well.

What the heck am I talking about? Metaphors metaphors metaphors.

Agape.

A Troubled Michy

"Lord, you have examined me and you know me. You know everything I do; from far away you understand all my thoughts. You see me, whether I am working or resting; you know all my actions."

- Ps 139:1-3

This is the responsarial psalm for today's mass reading. A troubled michy I am, where I can't seem to make out my thoughts and do what is right.

*sigh*

Agape.

Wednesday

I met a new person called Theophillus today. He's Shiming's old friend. 3 of us went to watch Mr and Mrs Smith. Surprisingly he was really easy to talk to. I guess studying in America really helps one to outwardly project yourself confidently. *grin* I had great company, watching 2 guys reminisce about their childhood secondary school days, each taking turns to be the storyteller. =)

Before that I had admin comm debriefing. Jac crashed the meeting as she was going out with Yinxiu. The meeting ended pretty early so we had a walk-a-round orchard... so nice to have a girly talk on anything under the sun... girls, guys and other things that are interesting. Goofing around with girls is just so nice.

Short update... coz I'm having a bad bout of stomach ache... ugh...

Agape.

A SlackING Day!

Ooooh... how I LOVE to just do nothing. *grin* Just having some personal quiet time to myself, reflecting, pondering, marvelling at the wonders of life... I'm alive! I'm FREE as well! Hee... Mom and Dad have gone to makan breakfast so here I am at home waiting to make a trip to the hospital w mama and mom later.

Heh, it's after the FOC that I can actually listen to "All Things New". Before that I would shudder at the mere mention of the song. It sure was a terrorizing experience.

I've been slowly re-organising my photos into the external hard disk bought from Sim Lim which Shiming helped me choose. This is among the other things I have always wanted to do. Things to do during the hols (in no particular order):

1. Organise my digital photos
2. Organise my school work files on computer
3. Revamp my blog site
4. Learn HTML
5. Learn Japanese
6. Organise my Naruto collection
7. Play the piano
8. Tidy up my room
9. Write letter to Yayang
10. Read "The Da Vinci Code"
11. Organise my mp3s
12. Take up salsa w Joanne (anyone else wants to join?? *grin*)

Agape.

Learning to Breathe - Switchfoot

Hello, good morning, how you do?
What makes your rising sun so new?
I could use a fresh beginning too
All of my regrets are nothing new
So this is the way that I say I need You
This is the way
This is the way that I'm

(chorus)
Learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that You and You alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies

Hello, good morning, how you been?
Yesterday left my head kicked in
I never, never thought that
I would fall like that
Never knew that I could hurt this bad

(chorus)
I'm learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that You and You alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies

So this is the way that I say I need You
This is the way that I say I love You
This is the way that I say I'm Yours
This is the way, this is the way

(chorus and fade)
________________________________________________________



This song was sung by Iggy, Mello, Shane and Simon during the MM concert. The whole song has touched me in many ways. The reason why I didn't want to put this up earlier is because I didn't want to be a spoiler. Heee. It describes me and how I could use a fresh beginning as well, and it makes me realise that I really need Him to re-learn how to live with joy. I'm learning how to breathe again. =)

Agape.

Last minute cramming

It's the wee hours in the morning and I'm not ready to go to bed yet! Gosh... this is really the result of pure procrastination and hmm... don't know lah. >.< I realised that I haven't done many things that I ought to do. *gasps* What have I been doing in my free time last week?

I hope I have done my best to complete my duties despite wasting my time stoning during certain free periods of the night last week. The irresponsible side of me has indeed surfaced yet again. Ugh, I hate it when I am irresponsible and unreliable.

I shall vow to strive to be a reliable person... not one whom people cannot rely on! I will try my best.

Agape.

Anger

I am appalled at the intensity of anger I am capable of. It's crazy how the past can grip you so tightly that it squeezes out any ounce of rationality and just lets the emotions break free. Hah, I guess this experience can be analagous to the immune response of the human body.

Being mean is not my thing... it zaps out a lot of energy from me.

Agape.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Never rely on what you think you know. Remember the Lord in everything you do, and he will show you the right way.

Thanks to taiwanite for sharing this verse with me.

Whenever I try to make sense of what is happening around me, I get deeper enmeshed in further complications. Perhaps my confusion is totally unnecessary for as long as I keep on focusing on Him and offering everything I do to Him, He will make things beautiful and pure.

*grin* I imagine Him being like a fairy godmother who, with one wave of her wand, makes even the ordinary seems beautiful and filled with love. May I continue to trust in Him even when I have to grit my teeth whenever I am engulfed by guilt, confusion and temptation.

Agape.

Feeling better! =)

Feeling better now... like my head's screwed back into place and I can continue being responsible again. Lately I've been shirking my responsibilities due to my erratic emotional fluctuations. Sigh, whenever that happens, I feel so useless - I can't seem to do ANYTHING.

At least I got things done today - getting someone's present. Hah. I guess the someone reading this will know that I am referring to you! *grin*

Had a good talk at the beach today, which helped relieve myself from some stress. I'm not supposed to worry about anyone for it will defeat the purpose of being in this situation in the first place! Yup, so yah... Sometimes I feel that I can't help but worry. Wells, I'll try my best to not worry and be happy.

Whenever I'm emotionally down, I can't seem to pray... I don't know why. Now that I'm better, I realised I haven't been praying much. >.<

I can't wait for FOC to be over... sigh, feeling the heebeejeebees... hopefully will be charged up by monday... hope the heebeejeebees would have morphed into anticipation by then.

Agape.

Long Telephony...

I had a long telephone conversation last night. An airing of views and an appreciation of the other's thoughts and feelings. I shall call that an appreciation session. Hah.

Feelings are such queer things. Sometimes when the downside arrives, I have to grit my teeth and prepare myself for the fall. It's terribly exhausting. It comes mostly when dusk arrives. Perhsps I should change my sleeping pattern to something like Jo's... be an early bird.

I should focus on Him, so that I will be able to love more purely, devoid from all my selfish intentions and personal self-benefit. May I draw strength! Putting others before self is so hard as it requires a drive and an inner joy to do so. May I never lose my focus!

The little brown book is full of wonders.

Agape.

What the Soul Wants, the Soul Waits

This is a quote off a friend's msn nick which struck me. What the soul wants, the soul waits... What does the soul really want? Only time will allow its true desire to be manifested.

Mornings are always mood uplifters. :) Hope to get started on my work soon. Yet another FREE day at home to relax, reflect and rest. *^^* I love the feeling of home.

Agape.

Attractions - The Dating Game

Back to the topic of discussion. Is it true that the prettier the girl is, the higher the chances of her getting attached? Probably.

But is it true that the prettier the girl is, the higher the chances of her getting attached to the right person?

It is human nature to love beautiful things. That is why society reveres this idealistic beauty. Hence there is a natural tendency for beautiful people to appeal more to others. That is why beautiful people can get easily attached. However, what defines a relationship? Surely not only looks. I feel that THE most important criteria isn't looks, but this elusive thing called chemistry. I don't know what defines chemistry exactly. However when 2 people have chemistry, they complement each other so perfectly... I think character will then play a more prominent role in influencing the complementarity between 2 people.

Where does looks come in then? I believe it helps people overcome their natural instinctive inclinations toward beauty. Once that inclination has been overcome, people can get to know others for who they really are.

For me, the function of looks is to be decently presentable. Being decently presentable is a sign of respect, not only to yourself but towards others as well. Other than that, it shouldn't be a measure of one's self worth. I hope to uphold my belief to best of my ability.

Agape.

Shopping Trip

Went out with Joanne for a shopping trip this afternoon. Hah, felt like a proper girl, complete with exhibiting the going gaga over clothes syndrome. In the end I bought a black tube that costs $5.90 from WATSONS. Okay, I wasn't THAT ready to part with my money (as usual). I've even been nicknamed kiam kana by my mom. >.< Sigh. Oh wells on the brighter side, being thrifty is a GOOD thing.

Spoke with her on relationships which made me think about attractions and self-worth. Is physical beauty really a measure of how good one's catch is? *sigh* The world seems to think so doesn't it? Hmm.. darn, lost my inspiration to type. Hope to continue later.

Agape.

Singlehood

I guess being single is a good thing. No stress and no responsibility for other people's feelings. Loving others is less selfish. Hah, time to start pondering and day-dreaming and analysing experiences learnt... well will leave that for later. Today I started to pack up letters that I have kept over the years... found some really interesting stuff! *grin* like... an invitation to the "Best of Friends" club in primary school and a diary entry grumbling about being teased because I wasn't interested in guys at that time. It's really amusing to remember myself in such a way.

Changing mindsets... a lot of courage and strength are needed in order to do so. I don't know how feasible this set-up is but may the healing continue! I have been convinced that nothing is impossible with Him. Yes, although the journey is long and painful, I know I won't be walking alone.

My results are finally out. They came out yesterday. I performed better than I had expected myself to do given the circumstances. I am so grateful to those around me for their support for without them, I am certain I would not have made it through this semester. (Am I exaggerating? NO! :P) You know who you are... =)

Agape.

Morning does Wonders

The morning really lifts up my spirits. Thank God for the morning!
Oh... I'm free till the evening.. I have the WHOLE afternoon to myself! A much needed hibernation. *^^* Spoke to Brena today over the msn... hope she comes back soon... so can get to talk to her and know her better... lol... sounds weird saying that as we've been friends since JC but sadly I don't know many of my classmates well.. just getting to know a few of them better now.

Feeling much better. Listening to the song Taiwanite suggested. I guess it reminds me that I have strength.

A friend of mine is going thru hard times. May I keep that friend in my prayers.

Agape.

Relapse

Why, do I fight so hard, only to fall into this relapse again? What is the meaning of being strong? I don't know. I wish things were simpler. Why does it hurt so much? I just want to run away... run away from everything. Have my efforts been all in vain? Where did my stability go to? Why do I have a gaping hole deep down? Please, let me be free from this...

Love, how do I love those around me? Why does loving hurt so much? Where is the balance between loving myself and loving others? Does no one understand me anymore? No one will ever understand me and the conflicts I have within me. I am unable to express myself to anyone anymore. I don't have the strength to anymore.

What do I really want? Good grades? First class honours? Why do I pressurise myself so? Do I feel happy getting those grades? Why do I strive for good grades? I'm beginning to hate aiming so high... for it sacrifices a lot of things. I'm tired, I'm so tired! My heart yearns not for the comfort of books. Yet, I cannot be selfish. Blogging is sufficient for me.

I wish for the impossible. I wish for politics around me and within me to disappear.
___

Lying on the bed does have a calming effect on me. At least my hysteria has died down. May I never let go of His hand. May He purify my mind and heart to focus what I ought to do...

Agape.

Blogging when Troubled?

Do people tend to blog more when they are troubled? Perhaps... I've encountered twice of such comments. Am I troubled? *shrugs*

Law and Business are moving to SMU's old site. Gosh... it's really queer... I'm just wondering for students who want to do a minor in business or something, do they have to go all the way to the Bukit Timah campus? I do hope that the campuses will be connected somehow, in some way. *sigh* Oh well, the irony of it all. But hah, at least the Botanic gardens is nearby there! Maybe I'll have time to take walks there or something. Nature really perks me up and gives me a sense of calm. Hopefully they won't be moving so soon.

Agape.